Men and women are psychologically structured in different ways, hence, the reason they often have some conflicts in the conversation. The psychological patterns of the male and female minds prioritize the specific sets of social variables; therefore, resulting to an automatic conflict between men and women while conversing. Consider the scenario of the man and woman discussing their daily activities. For example, let’s imagine the following conversation:
James: Hi, you must have had a nice day.
Lianet: Hello, you should ask me about it and then you will understand. How was your day?
James: My bad, my day was hectic but I was nominated as an employee of the month, maybe we may catch a drink or something.
Lianet: Oh!, Wow! That’s the great news but unfortunately I can’t catch a drink right now.
James: Why, I thought you were happy of my success in the company. Anyway, enjoy your evening. I’ll call Mum and tell her about it. See you later (leaving).
Lianet: I am happy about your work and thanks for not asking how my day was; I got fired, by the way, and I hoped I could talk to you.
James (closing the door behind him): Hi Mum, guess what…
From the above short conversation, the variables at stake when James is talking about his nomination at the company are Lianet’s wellbeing and her need to talk to him. On the other hand, it is not because Lianet had some issues about the day that she does not feel like going out with James but rather because James is too much absorbed into his world, and he is rarely concerned about Lianet. Although, in her tone, Lianet does not seem upset about James’ listening issues that a conflict had resulted in; Lianet would expect James to be the right person to talk to in the future if she had the issues.
As discussed by John Gary in his book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, the difference between men and women in terms of conversing is highly influenced by their psychological differences that make them seem to lie, and they are culturally unrelated. According to Tannen, the conflict between men and women is cross-cultural created by the factors each sex considers to be a priority. Both Gary and Tannen, explain that the words from men and women are equally important to them, and they tend to express their respective feelings. However, as important as the words said to each one may be, the little importance is taken by the listener concerning the psychological structure.
Women, when conversing with men, would like men to behave the way that women behave while talking. It is not all about what is said and of the weight it carries that would make each woman sure of being listened to. The body language, which is a big problem for men, tends to be a factor of comprehension that women attach the meaning to. Women when conversing with men or fellow women attach the body movement to what is being said or what they say. For example, women conversing among each other would like to keep a short distance between them while maintaining an eye contact for the better part of conversion. The importance of this distance and the eye contact is to connect these women emotionally regarding the topic, at hand. In this case, a woman would not assume that a man is paying attention towards her of the men’s behavior and body language, which is almost inconsistent to different situations.
In terms of body language, men are used to talking to fellow men while partly doing other activities like checking their mails or observing the movements around. This is a reason why Christians and other dominions close their eyes while praying. However, what the reason is, the divine being does not respond immediately if responds at all. With the tendency that men used to converse actively with fellow men without an eye contact or a constant movement of body parts, women are likely to take the offense of male behavior. The difference between male and female conversational tendencies depends on the psychological aspect of establishing the independence and establishing the emotional connection respectively. The conflict of interests is not created by what a woman wants or what a man wants; it is as it affects the connection between men and women.
Men Are from Mars, Women from Venus by John Gary speaks of the cross-cultural sort of differences registered when conversations are registered. The active speaker in one setting is silent listening to the other one. Gary and Tannen like talking the issues ver at home because they feel free to do so in order for the others not to judge their opinions. Men, on the other hand, do not like talking or conversing a lot in such confined places like their homes and would prefer to handle the issues without going into details. The studies by Tennan and Gary show a consistent behavior between men and women in terms when they are actively involved in the conversations, and what audience they are more confident with. Considering the various priorities for men and women, the cross-cultural form of conversation that results into conflicts can be solved through the open discussions on matters (Tannen).
Referring back to the example of Lianet and James, one would note that each had a preplanned course of action about his or her evening. However, while the discussion was going on, Lianet did not see the point why James had not asked of her day. For men, an opening statement that James started the conversation with was enough to get a fellow man talking of his bad day. The situation between James and Lianet will not be better as long Lianet does not explain James what she needs from this conversation. In the same manner, James should let Lianet be aware of what works for men. Unless the source of conflict is identified, men will not change, and women will never think that men are listening or paying any attention to them.